The Rules Of Love

I spent hours writing a blog and when I was finally done, I hated it. It was the rules of love alright but it was MY rules of love. I might as well just write those down in my Hello Kitty journal and call it a day.

I decided to use a lifeline. I phoned a friend. He didn't know the answer, the phone a friend never does. So, I had to use another lifeline. I polled the audience. Over 100 of you responded and some of your answers shook the very foundation of the rules I had written.


These are your rules of love:

Rule #1 - You Gotta Have Trust (27%)

One simple word that kept popping throughout the last couple days but do you really know what it means? I became quickly disheartened when over and over again people weren't able to articulate what they said their #1 rule of love actually meant. Then one of you said something that changed my whole perspective on trust. Then another made it clearer. Then another finally brought it into focus.

I looked it up online and I personally like definition #8: "Something committed or entrusted to one's care for safekeeping." Trust is knowing that the person you love is watching out for you, that they have your best interest in mind, that they want to please you and make you happy. It's believing that they would never intentionally harm you, that nothing can come between you and that they will always be there for you.

Rule #2 - Be Honest (23%)

I wrote in my original blog, "We must all hold back something about ourselves so that we don't lost the spark and the magic of a new relationship. This can sometimes seem like deception but it's important to slowly introduce your partner to your flaws. Despite what they say, no one really wants to know everything about you right for the start..."

The honest truth is that you need to be yourself. You don't have to write down a list of your flaws for consideration by the potential love of your life but you do need to act like yourself and let them see what kind of person you are at your core. Being yourself is far more effective in keeping a relationship together than letting them know they do, in fact, look rather fat in those jeans.

Rule #3 - Learn "Compassionate Communication"® (This is a registered LaMantra but feel free to steal it... I'm sure he won't mind) (14%)

If you don't already know how to really hear someone, to take the time to learn why they are who they are, and to express your emotions to the person you love, then you might want to take some time to develop these skills before you dive into another relationship.

One of you said, "...if one does not understand how the other feels then they do not know the person and can't respect them."

Another said, "...if u have the ability to understand where your partner is coming from by being able to put yourself in their shoes, you can not only work through most things, but you'll also likely have the ability to enjoy & celebrate life's successes better together because u know what makes them happy!"

Rule #4 - You Need Great Sex/Real Passion/Good Chemistry (10%)

These responses varied from the scientific: "Love is no more than a release of endorphins, a firing of one synapse to another..."

To the ever romantical: "Passion is the air that a relationship breathes..."

To the flat out honest: "Actually fuck trust, good sex!!! Bad sex will def break a relationship, trust u can work on, bad sex u can't change"

To the musical: "i don't want somebody to love me...just give me sex whenever i want it. 'cause all i ask for is instant pleasure....instant pleasure, instant pleasurrrrre."

Rule #5 - Take a Louisville Slugger To Both Headlights. (He'll Think Twice Before He Cheats) (8%)

I had to follow up one vote with the question "What's one situation where you'd take back someone who cheated on you?"

She replied, "Kim Wiederholt wrote a book called Dating a Liar, a Cheater, and a Jerk: 100 Reasons Why You Should Take Him Back... I like #47."

"What's #47?!" I probed.

She quickly responded, "A blank page, just like the other 99."


Honorable Mention:

Put Down The Bottle Of Svedka
Don't Get Knocked Up
Polyester: Just Say No
Don't F*ck My Friend