My Mind Says No But Your Bandana Says Go

Let's face it, gays aren't subtle. This is how I snagged my last boyfriend:

Me: You have really nice arms [grabs massive bicep]
Chris: Thanks
Me: Why aren't you in my bed?
Chris: Stay right here, I have to go say bye to my friends

It ended up turning into a relationship and he's a good friend now but it wasn't always so easy for a boy to walk up to a 6'1", 230 lbs. black man and say hello. There was a time when gays had to be a little more slick about hitting on a guy.

If you can believe it, gay guys once used bandanas to serve the same purpose as my extremely clever pick up line above. Some of you that had the pleasure of being of consenting age in the 70s remember the bandana code*. Depending on the color and which back pocket you chose to place it in, a bandana was as effective as the "Sexual Preference" drop down list on Adam4Adam. With just a glance over the dance floor, you were able to find Mr. Right among a mass of potential Mr. Wrongs.

What gays did in between the bandana era and the internet dating revolution is still a mystery to me. It appears that there may have been a time when men actually had to have conversations in order to determine compatability. Our culture, obviously overwhelmed by this standard, quickly invented the internet so that we could ease some of the communicatitive burden that we endured during what can only be refered to as the "dark ages" of gay dating.

Nowadays, gays no longer approach each other in bars. Instead, they choose to take a candid Blackberry picture of their newfound treasure and stay up for countless hours after the club searching for them online. Once the prey has been found among the sea of online profiles, they are engaged by such irresistable messages as "Hey" or "What's up?" or my personal favorite "What you doing?"...To which one can only reply, "Scamming on guys online, duh."

The world of gay-on-gay dating sure has changed over the last couple of decades but we can all rest assured that our pure intentions and commitment to long term relationships have remained intact.

*The list that follows contains graphic information and should not be viewed by people who 1) are underage, 2) should be doing their job and not playing online or 3) the prude. It is by no means complete and color/meanings change depending on your region. Next time a mature gentleman won't leave you alone at the bar, why not make the best of it and inquire about your local bandana code.

Left Pocket - Bottom / Right Pocket - Top
(Remember this as you're reading through this list, kids. It makes a BIG difference)

Black - Hardcore SM play, especially whipping.

Grey - Bondage

White - Mutual masturbation

Red - Fisting

Light blue - Oral sex

Navy Blue - Anal sex

Pink (Hot Pink) - Dildos

Charcoal - Latex, PVC, or Rubber Fetish

Yellow - Watersports

Medium Blue - Uniform fetish

Teal - Cock and ball torture

Khaki - Military Sex (Uniform fetish)

Olive drab - Military person

Kelly green - Sex for money

Hunter green - Daddy/boy sex

Orange - Few limits

Robin Egg Blue - 69

Aqua - Aquaphilia

Lime - Sitophilia (Food fetish)

Chamois - Motorcycle sex (Vroom Vroom)

Dark Pink - Nipple torture

Fuchsia - Spanking

Purple - Piercings

Mustard - Size queen

Gold - Menage-a-trois

Apricot - Chubby chaser

Argyle - Geeks

Gold lamé - Muscle sex (Not what I think of when I see gold lamé but to each his own)

Silver lamé - Celebrity sex

Black leather bandana - Leather fetish