The United States of Adam4Adam

There was once a reporter in Baltimore, a little white woman, who heard rumors of random sex taking place every night in a downtown park. By day, it was a favorite spot for joggers and dog walkers but once the sun set, it became a place for drugs and anonymous hookups. She just couldn't contain her curiosity so she grabbed her notebook, tape recorder, and hopefully shiv, and wandered into what would be an exposé that would turn the city upside down. The things she saw that night are the stuff of porn director's wet dreams.

A few snaps of my Blackberry camera and a couple clicks of my mouse later, I felt like that little wide eyed white woman wandering through an online sex park. I was on ManHunt for exactly 2 hours back in 2005ish before I decided that I had seen enough balls and chest hair to last me a lifetime. What I found this time around was a whole new ball game.

*Manhunt, It's Not Just For White Bears Anymore*

You can imagine my surprise when during my recent perusing of ManHunt, I actually found some guys with some color (and I'm not talking spray tan like the boys at Living Room). I didn't realize online hookup sites had become so diverse. Back in my days at Towson University, white guys kept to ManHunt and black guys creeped on BlackPlanet. It appears Adam4Adam has surpassed them both as the premier playground for white guys who like their coffee black and black guys who like their coffee in a dark alley while their girl is out getting her hair did.

*Adam4Adam or Pablo4Pablo?*

Let me set the scene of what A4A is where I come from... If you are 1) Black, 2) On the DL [down low/in the closet for the sheltered kids in the audience], 3) Enjoy unprotected sex with yo baby mama by day and random guys by night, and 4) Have to "travel out" because your three kids at home prevent you from hosting, then you're on A4A.

Salt Lake City's A4A proved to be a great spot to find barely legal boys who wanted to have some fun before spending their adult lives converting the dead and amassing wives.

Austin/Houston boasted every shade of blonde hair and every hue of blue you can think of. And then, of course, you have all the black football jocks. Enough said.

Seattle seemed by far the most conducive to finding friends, apparently by way of coffee dates... I can only assume caffeine counteracts year round cloud cover.

I had a rude awakening when I accidentally chose Tijuana and was bombarded with emails beginning with "hola, papi!" It wasn't long until I realized that I wasn't scamming on guys in Mexico at all. This was, in fact, San Diego.

*E$CORT*

I quickly learned that each region has a certain characteristic that defines whether you will go to college for your MBA or sell your body on the corner of Urine & Crimespree:

Baltimore/D.C. - It seems that boys in this region actually take pleasure from being penetrated by a 12" dick. I attribute this to one of two things: Poppers or A Death Wish.

San Diego - There are only two professions in the Southwest for Mexican boys who are under 5'9" and less that 130lbs... jockey or sex slave.

Las Vegas - They actually don't even have the "escort" feature on their websites. Prostitution is so refined in this area that they've instituted a five $ rating system. $$$$$ means you need to be staying in a penthouse suite with champagne on ice, $$$ means $500 a pop/$750 if you want it during an episode of Project Runway and $ if you're only worth the price of two roofie coladas.

Miami - Never have I ever been so disappointed to see so many beautiful boys replacing letters in their names with dollars signs. Hopefully, Bravo is working on a reality TV show that documents the lives of once beautiful escorts that squandered their money on designer jeans/boozing and are now serving half priced burgers on Tuesday nights.

*Final Thoughts*

If you and your bf are both on Adam4Adam/ManHunt and your profile says "Just looking for friends. Happily in a relationship with ThugRyder" while his profile says "Love blowjobs in dirrty bathrooms"... I'm sure you're going to have a lovely life together.

If you don't show your face online, you're either: A) Doing research for your next blog, B) A shady boy that only likes to pretend to be virginal to his friends/coworkers/family, or C) Compensating for a horrible case of "butter face". (YouTube it if you don't get it)

If you post pics that are clearly not of you, the best photo you've ever taken in your life or was taken before 1996, please feel free to email me the reason why you insist on doing this to: WhatTheHellDoYouThinkYou'reDoing@You'reOnlyGonnaWasteBothOurTime.Seriously

A Witness To What?

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The Rules Of Love

I spent hours writing a blog and when I was finally done, I hated it. It was the rules of love alright but it was MY rules of love. I might as well just write those down in my Hello Kitty journal and call it a day.

I decided to use a lifeline. I phoned a friend. He didn't know the answer, the phone a friend never does. So, I had to use another lifeline. I polled the audience. Over 100 of you responded and some of your answers shook the very foundation of the rules I had written.


These are your rules of love:

Rule #1 - You Gotta Have Trust (27%)

One simple word that kept popping throughout the last couple days but do you really know what it means? I became quickly disheartened when over and over again people weren't able to articulate what they said their #1 rule of love actually meant. Then one of you said something that changed my whole perspective on trust. Then another made it clearer. Then another finally brought it into focus.

I looked it up online and I personally like definition #8: "Something committed or entrusted to one's care for safekeeping." Trust is knowing that the person you love is watching out for you, that they have your best interest in mind, that they want to please you and make you happy. It's believing that they would never intentionally harm you, that nothing can come between you and that they will always be there for you.

Rule #2 - Be Honest (23%)

I wrote in my original blog, "We must all hold back something about ourselves so that we don't lost the spark and the magic of a new relationship. This can sometimes seem like deception but it's important to slowly introduce your partner to your flaws. Despite what they say, no one really wants to know everything about you right for the start..."

The honest truth is that you need to be yourself. You don't have to write down a list of your flaws for consideration by the potential love of your life but you do need to act like yourself and let them see what kind of person you are at your core. Being yourself is far more effective in keeping a relationship together than letting them know they do, in fact, look rather fat in those jeans.

Rule #3 - Learn "Compassionate Communication"® (This is a registered LaMantra but feel free to steal it... I'm sure he won't mind) (14%)

If you don't already know how to really hear someone, to take the time to learn why they are who they are, and to express your emotions to the person you love, then you might want to take some time to develop these skills before you dive into another relationship.

One of you said, "...if one does not understand how the other feels then they do not know the person and can't respect them."

Another said, "...if u have the ability to understand where your partner is coming from by being able to put yourself in their shoes, you can not only work through most things, but you'll also likely have the ability to enjoy & celebrate life's successes better together because u know what makes them happy!"

Rule #4 - You Need Great Sex/Real Passion/Good Chemistry (10%)

These responses varied from the scientific: "Love is no more than a release of endorphins, a firing of one synapse to another..."

To the ever romantical: "Passion is the air that a relationship breathes..."

To the flat out honest: "Actually fuck trust, good sex!!! Bad sex will def break a relationship, trust u can work on, bad sex u can't change"

To the musical: "i don't want somebody to love me...just give me sex whenever i want it. 'cause all i ask for is instant pleasure....instant pleasure, instant pleasurrrrre."

Rule #5 - Take a Louisville Slugger To Both Headlights. (He'll Think Twice Before He Cheats) (8%)

I had to follow up one vote with the question "What's one situation where you'd take back someone who cheated on you?"

She replied, "Kim Wiederholt wrote a book called Dating a Liar, a Cheater, and a Jerk: 100 Reasons Why You Should Take Him Back... I like #47."

"What's #47?!" I probed.

She quickly responded, "A blank page, just like the other 99."


Honorable Mention:

Put Down The Bottle Of Svedka
Don't Get Knocked Up
Polyester: Just Say No
Don't F*ck My Friend